Talk Business Today

As mammals, it is normal to enjoy getting gifts. Thanks to the cold, electrical grid of fiber optics cable crisscrossing our globe, we can now send all our friends and enemies birthday ecards. Send what, you say! Send ecards. On their birthdays. Dont rely on the postal system to get anything right (though they do a pretty god job of it). Cut your stress time in half and free up some of your precious time. Wasting time sending a birthday car two weeks early? Forget it! You can send ecards on the frigid day!

Try as you might, you just can’t go faster than the speed of light. And guess how fast emails and stuff go. Thats right ” pretty fast. Now, Ive seen a few of the more popular one ” and its like watching the last trailer of the new Jim Carey movie. Usually. There are some really lame ones out there. Nothing is perfect, but seriously, guys, can we try a little harder?

To be sure, all youre looking for, really, is a good chuckle. The chances that birthday ecards will make people fall down laughing are pretty thin. These days, thats a tall order. No much is going to physically get people down in the aisles and rolling. That being said, though, there is a number of keen clips thatll get your recipient on the sunny side of life.

It is totally crazy ridiculous how easy they are to send. Have I said this already? Maybe I have. But it doesnt matter because it bears repeating. Theyre easy to send and ” get this ” theyre free! I mean, not all ecards are free, but some of the funnier sites have free clips. So two major stumbling blocks have been hurdled with the grace off an Olympian: cost and ease of use.

These days keeping a massive logbook of whose birthday is when is archaic. Most of us hear about someones birthday on the day. Thats super red alert, panic time and time to get something funny fired across the fiber-optic cables. Save the trees, save the ink creatures ” stop destroying the earth and send an ecards instead. What red-blooded mammal wants to do-in his environment? Be a human being and send birthday ecards! The future of the planet depends on your good senses.

Remember the lifelong anxiety you’ve experienced, worrying about the crumbling of The Great Wall of China? Fret no more.

Now, humanity longest tribute to war-wrought paranoia will be on the mend. It seems the enterprising communist nation has an abundant new supply of materials to rebuild it with: The millions of lead-loaded toys, bibs and other children’s paraphernalia its cheapo manufacturers shipped off to Mattel and other toy makers, appalling mothers by the millions.

But, as Confucius say, “Toys made with lead paint eventually return to factory.”

Or, in a more contemporary vein, “From China with lead” is turning into “Back at you from America.”

Even as you read this, the varicolored plastic remedy is tending its way toward its eternal destiny, as ships laden with returned Barbie Dolls, Mattel Cars, painted bibs and other infant delights steam toward their disgraced land of origin.

Of course, given the way rocks cobbled together have a way of returning to their place of origin, especially with the steady help of enthusiastic vandals, the ancient enormity has been falling apart almost since it was begun. In fact, today less than half of its 4,000 mile stretch still rises above elevation zero.

And Mao, economic moron that he was, didn’t help the matter. He was unable to envision the stone wonder of the world as anything other than a dispensable feudal curiosity, let alone a hot tourist attraction that could help prop up his decrepit state. So great swaths of it were pulled down and transformed into functional accoutrements of his workers paradise, such as dams, roads, and stone huts.

But now the new communist elite are in receipt of more than enough resilient material to restore the entire length of it.

Redone as a sort of land fill from toy land, the reconstructed immensity will, to the delight of state capitalists everywhere, become a greater wonder for tourists than ever. Imagine the colorful come-visit look of its renewed grandeur, compacted with a rainbow of plastic toys, out of which odd appendages and bumpers poke.

Should such an original method of rebuilding the wall ever become an architectural reality and surefire outrage, what might have become The Great Fall of China may be elevated to an enlarged source of latter-day Chinese prosperity.